Both and Neither
I feel for your absence.
It is slippery and changeable,
Timeless and separate all at once.
Turning past the soft deep bend to where we left you,
I feel the dark grey light on green grass,
Afternoon shadows of statues and trees
To which a consciously averted gaze can do nothing
for the memory of this place-
It is in my sinews, my tendons-
the bend of
weeds on the ground in the lining of my cells,
the tips of my fingers,
the curve of my hair.
Yesterday I felt you as if just released from your grasp,
Tilting my head up and face forward against the fog,
Senses straining to break past the solid barrier my hands
meet,
Surely it must be possible,.
Only one step forward, to get to where you are.
But today the mist is further off now,
Far across the field, flowing in peaks and valleys,
Emphasizing the incredible distance,
The impassible sadness,
which grows gentler with the passing of days.
Today I feel you as a sadness,
a round and puckered stitch at my chest-
Effect and impact alone,
rather than the tingling in my outstretched fingers I knew
you were before.
And what of tomorrow?
At what distance will you be then?
I don’t need to ask the question, because I know the answer,
And so do the trees and the shade and the green and the grey
and the fog-
They whisper it to me on the wind-
Both and neither, always, my love.
Both and neither.
